


and words are futile devices.

by lilynete



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27826759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilynete/pseuds/lilynete
Summary: Rin never imagined he had a soulmate at all, let alone two of them. Renzou thinks he might be in way over his head, and Ryuuji’s just trying to keep from losing it all.or; an au where you share the pain of your soulmate.
Relationships: Miwa Konekomaru/Paku Noriko, Okumura Rin/Shima Renzou/Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Comments: 60
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icekitsune13darkfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icekitsune13darkfire/gifts).



> FIRST OF ALL....i wanna say that this is my first commission i’ve ever done and i’m so honored n happy to have been asked to write this!! this is gonna be a big one, so i’ll be posting updates similarly to my other fic.
> 
> i hope you all enjoy!

There was no rational explanation for why they’d never noticed it before. Perhaps they’d just co-existed this way for so long that it’d never occurred to anyone. Or maybe everyone else had gotten the idea long before either of them. As infants, they almost always wailed and cried in unison, even rooms apart. Their mothers joked with each other about how synchronized they were, what an influence they must be on each other. They prattled on about how they stuck together like glue through the years, how adorable it was. Sure, the concept of the two being  _ like  _ soulmates came up then, but so lightly it could only ever be taken as a joke.

It was common knowledge around the temple and the inn. Wherever one of them was, the other would be close behind. They were notably inseparable, even within their inseparable trio with Konekomaru. Even when Ryuuji would sneak off to listen to his father’s sutras as a child, Renzou would tag along. Renzou even tended to spend more time among Ryuuji’s family than his own. Though, Ryuuji could think of a number of reasons for that. Each time he watched Kinzou take his roughhousing a little too far, it was bad enough that he almost swore he could feel it too.

In spite of that, Ryuuji never found the need to look further into it. Even on particularly cloudy days when Renzou’s scar started to tingle and Ryuuji got a throbbing headache at his left temple, it never seemed more than a coincidence. They both had soulmates out there somewhere, sure. Everyone did, his own mother and father shared the ghosts of each other’s pain, and as much as Renzou’s older brother and Mamushi tried vehemently to deny it, everyone at the temple knew they were meant for each other. But Ryuuji had more important things to focus on. 

He was dedicated wholeheartedly to saving his temple, to becoming strong enough to take on Satan himself. The concept of someone out there in the world who was meant for him was nice and all, but he didn’t have time to waste on worrying about it.

That refusal to think any deeper about it stuck with him until they were fourteen, walking home from school together with Konekomaru. It’s a brisk March day, the school year rolling to an end in just a couple of weeks and making way for a vibrant spring. The three of them would all be heading off to boarding school soon. Leaving behind the mountains of Kyoto that had raised them to pursue futures in exorcism.

On their path back home, there was a bridge that crossed over a mellow river. It was a little too shallow to dive in, but in the especially sweltering days of summer they’d jump from the sides and swim in the crystalline water. It was a little too cold for that still, but Renzou climbed the rail as they crossed, arms out beside him to balance.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” Koneko’s face scrunched nervously as he eyed his friend’s feet in their precarious spot atop the rail.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ve always wanted to do this the whole way across. This might be my last chance to try!” Renzou seemed unaffected by Koneko’s concern, still grinning as he took one wobbling step forward.

“Get down, moron!” Ryuuji took a different approach, reaching out to pull Renzou down at the same moment Renzou yanked backwards, his arms flailing as he toppled backwards over the other side. There was a chorus of surprised yelps, and Ryuuji reached a hand over the rail just a second too late, his fingertips just barely catching on Renzou’s right before he fell.

Then several things happened at once. There was a splash, and a cry of pain from down below. Ryuuji turned to hurry down and check on his friend, but the moment he moved, a phantom sensation of pain seized his leg.

“ _ Shit! _ ” He lost balance as soon as he stepped down on it, curling over with one hand still on the rail.  _ Why did his leg suddenly hurt so much? _

“Uh, guys!” Renzou shouted up to them, sounding panicked. “I can’t move! I think my leg is—”

“ _ Broken. _ ” Ryuuji finished under his breath in unison. Years of twin bumps and bruises and unexplained sharp pains that he’d brushed to the side started to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle in the shape of Ryuuji’s heart. They connected the corner pieces of emotions that he’s always felt without much thought into a grander, bigger picture.

He straightened himself with a wince, refusing to let himself get caught up in his own head just yet. Dragging Renzou out of the river was a pretty major priority. “Konekomaru, can you run ahead and get some help?”

The smaller boy nodded, understanding shining in his eyes before he turned and darted off in the direction they had been heading. Ryuuji backtracked to the closer end of the bridge, then glided down the steady slope of the hill leading down to the water.  _ Good thing it wasn’t very steep. _

“Bon, thank god!” Renzou cried as Ryuuji discarded his jacket at the riverbank and began wading into the water. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes and a little bubble of snot formed under his nose. His arms were wrapped tightly around the wet school uniform that clung to his shivering form. Even sitting, the water only went up to his waist in this part of the river, but he remained absolutely soaked from the splash. “I knew you wouldn’t abandon me! Does it look bad? It’s bad, isn’t it? I’m freezing, too! It’s a bad time of year for a swim.”

“No kiddin’.” Ryuuji resisted the urge to huff out a laugh at Renzou’s poorly timed humor, and looked down to check the state of his leg through the water instead. It was twisted at a nasty, unnatural angle, but at least as gruesome as bones sticking out or anything like that. “You’re gonna be fine. Let’s just get you dry, yeah?”

He bent over to hook his friend’s  _ soulmate’s? _ arm over his shoulder. “Brace yourself.” He murmured before lifting, drawing a groan of pain out of Renzou before they found their footing in a way that didn’t put any pressure on his bad leg.

“Thanks, Bon. I dunno what I’d do without you.”

“Die, probably.” Ryuuji deadpanned.

That drew an offended gasp out of Renzou. “Just cause it’s true, doesn’t mean you should say it!”

The two of them collapsed on the shore, now both drenched. They shed their wet shirts and Ryuuji held out the jacket he’d left behind in offering. Renzou took it gratefully and wrapped it around his shivering shoulders. The movement disturbed his leg and he winced, making Ryuuji quickly jump in to help him get comfortable while they waited. His fingers trailed over the edges of the fabric as he straightened it for him, following the trails of water that dripped down from Renzou’s neck and pulling away only when they brush a little too closely against the damp skin of his chest and he felt Renzou’s breath hitch under the touch.

“Hey, I gotta talk to you about something.” Ryuuji’s voice held an uncharacteristic tremble, so slight it was practically unnoticeable, hidden in the shadow of the same serious conviction he always spoke with. “Doesn’t have to be right now, you should get your leg taken care of first. But...soon. It’s important.”

Renzou looked to him with brows knitted in confusion, mismatched with his dopey smile, “Gee, Bon...that’s pretty ominous. You’re kinda scaring me.”

“It’s nothin’ like that…” Ryuuji turned his head to hide the way he began to grow flustered.

“Tell me now then!  _ Pleeeease? _ Don’t leave an injured guy in the dark!” He leaned awkwardly to tug Ryuuji’s arm as he begged for an explanation. The movement made him hiss in pain again. “ _ Ow, ow, ow.” _

“Alright, alright.” Ryuuji conceded, now unable to fully hide the red in his cheeks. He looked Renzou in the eyes, making certain the other boy was listening carefully. “When you broke your leg just now, I felt it.”

For a few seconds that stretched on far too long, there was nothing but complete silence as Renzou sat there and blinked at him in surprise. Ryuuji cleared his throat, prepared to elaborate if it went on much longer when Renzou finally spoke up. So low, it almost blended into the steady sounds of water running beside them. “You don’t mean…”

“I do. I think we’re soulm----”

“Right, okay! Don’t say it!” Renzou slapped his hands dramatically over his ears, and Ryuuji’s mouth snapped shut, mortified. He wanted to ask what his problem was, but before he could Renzou let out a wry laugh and spoke on. He sounded tired in a way Ryuuji didn’t recognize. “Man, I was really hopin’ I’d never have to meet my soulmate.”

It felt like peering into something no one was ever meant to see. The distressed crack in Renzou’s voice and the vague hint of something unreadable in his eyes. It looked foreign and out of place on the carefree boy he’d grown up with. Ryuuji was grasped simultaneously by the urge to erase it somehow, to bring back the goofy smile he’d known his entire life, and the urge to dig deeper---to find out what it was casting such a dark shadow over his expression. He’d expected some shallow comment about hoping his soulmate would be a cute girl instead, but something deeper was at play here. Something so wrong that Renzou didn’t want a soulmate at all.

“Hey.” Ryuuji breathed out, leaning in close and brushing his fingers over Renzou’s jawline. Instead of jerking away like Ryuuji had half-expected him to, Renzou’s leaned into the touch, that strange look still in his eyes. “Don’t think this has to change anything. If you don’t want----”

“Bon! Renzou!” The two are startled apart by the sound of Juuzou’s voice calling down from the bridge.

“I guess there’s Konekomaru’s reinforcements. Talk about this later?”

“Yeah…” Renzou’s reply came delayed, uncertain. Like he couldn’t decide whether he actually wanted to talk about this or not. “Uhh, hey. By the way… what happened to your arm last month? It felt almost as bad as this, man. No way that couldn’t have been something serious. You really didn’t need a cast or anything?”

“Huh?” Ryuuji had no idea what he was talking about, until he recalled waking up a few weeks ago to the feeling of bones snapping in his arm, an intense but short-lived pain. “You mean that one wasn’t yours?!”

The two stare at each other with bewilderment, synchronized shock. This was going to be a lot more complicated than either of them had ever anticipated.

  
  
  
  


They never finished their conversation later, much to Renzou’s relief and Ryuuji’s dismay. Several weeks passed and though they stuck together like usual, with Ryuuji helping Renzou hobble around on his crutches with only mild, fondness-riddled complaints and Renzou milking the injury for everything he could, the whole  _ soulmates _ thing wasn’t brought up again. Neither of them really wanted to bring it up around their families before they had the chance to talk it out with each other, and getting enough alone time for a conversation like that with so many people around was a rare luxury.

Luckily for Ryuuji, he was nothing if not patient and diligent, and it wasn’t long until they’d be heading off to True Cross together. Then, they’d have a few days before their actual classes began and the time to deal with the new discovery made between them would be plentiful.

Anticipation swelled in the air as the days passed, until finally they were parting ways with their families and boarding a train to Tokyo.   
  


“I don’t get why they all had to come.” Renzou muttered under his breath, and Ryuuji gave him a light nudge with his elbow. Renzou just managed to catch himself from losing balance at the jab, and the look on his face softened into something a little more apologetic as he reached over to help.

“C’mon, just put up with it for a few minutes. It’ll be months till you have to see ‘em again.” Ryuuji whispered in his ear as he leaned over, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

As soon as he parted from Renzou’s side, Ryuuji found himself swooped up in a tight embrace, contrasted by a stern, shouted demand. “Promise you’ll call and let us know how you’re doing. Don’t you dare lose touch just because you’re away!”

“Yeah, ma. I promise.” Ryuuji grumbled, looking displeased by the odd display of affection, but lifted one arm to half-return the hug.

Torako pulled back, holding him at arm’s length and looking over her baby boy with glistening eyes, all grown up and off to train for a future she had always hoped he’d be free from.

“Renzou! You better make sure you’re lookin’ after Bon, alright? Don’t do anything stupid!” The booming tone of Kinzou and the feeling of a sharp pinch to his earlobe drew their attention from across the platform.

“Er, it’s really not—” Ryuuji began to object, he didn’t need his friends looking out for him any more than they already did, and he would always do the same in return. They were all used to this by now, though. He found himself trailing off, knowing the words would fall on deaf ears anyways.

“I  _ get _ it! Lemme go already!” Renzou swatted his older brother’s hand off of his ear, struggling to stay balanced on his crutches while also rubbing at the sore spot at the side of his head. “I’m injured, you asshole!”

The scene was familiar, almost tiringly so, and Ryuuji wondered absently how many times he’d gotten a sudden headache while studying or the feeling of getting slammed in the ribs with nothing around him could be tied back to Kinzou’s bullying. He’d never hated the guy, but he does feel even grateful now for the distance that was about to be placed between Renzou and his family.

The three of them boarded the train together and found a row of empty seats. Renzou immediately rushed for the window seat, and Ryuuji slid into the middle beside him. THe arrangement and proximity to Konekomaru ruled out the ride there as a time to discuss anything. Sure, they’d want to fill him in  _ eventually _ …he was their best friend, after all. Just as important to each of them as they were to one another, even if discovering they were soulmates would begin to change the shape of their bond. Ryuuji knew he’d probably give them some pretty sound advice and support if they brought it up, too. But it still didn’t feel like the right time yet, that could come after they’d at least tried to figure it out among themselves.

Ryuuji stuck his headphones in his ears, and settled in for the long ride ahead.

He dozed off at some point, and when he came to again his cheek was pressed into something soft and an unusual heaviness sat on his shoulder. He blinked away sleep and lifted his head, finding that his makeshift pillow had been none other than Renzou’s hair. The other boy remained deep in his slumber.

_ Gross...he’s drooling.  _ Ryuuji thought when he felt a wet spot on his shirt. Still, he shifted carefully so as to not disturb him into awakeness.

“You guys figured it out, right?”

Konekomaru had one of the gentlest voices there ever was, and yet it still managed to startle him enough that he nearly jumped in his seat. “Huh?”

The other boy was giving him a knowing smile. “It looked like you were really hurt on the bridge for a second, but you were just feeling Shima’s pain, weren’t you?”

At that moment, Ryuuji felt like a complete idiot.  _ Of course  _ he already knew. He’d been there the same moment of his own realization, after all. How could he not have noticed? Suddenly, he felt ashamed for having not brought it up sooner.

“Well, we haven’t talked about anything yet…” He hesitated, thinking hard for a moment before continuing. “There’s, uh, someone else too.”

That had Konekomaru furrowing his brow in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well. I thought about it, and I guess part of the reason why we never really realized it was each other is ‘cause sometimes neither of us were hurt, even if we felt the pain. I mean, obviously we  _ are _ a match with each other and all, but…”

“You both have a second soulmate.” Konekomaru finished, an understanding light in his eyes. “That’s not really unheard of, I guess...I don’t think it’s very common, though.”

“Mm.” Ryuuji made a sound of agreement, propping his elbow up on the armrest between them and resting his chin in his hand. Renzou still snoozed away on the other side of him. “I dunno what that means...for us. Shima—” He glanced to the side, double checking that the other boy was really still asleep before he continued. “He didn’t seem too thrilled about finding out.”

“Really? But it doesn’t seem like things are any different between you two.”

“I guess they aren’t really? But...I dunno. It complicates things.” It was true though, despite Renzou’s less-than-thrilled reaction to the news, things really hadn’t been any different for them. With the exception of him finding any opportunity he could to whine for Ryuuji’s help ( _ “Bonnnn, walking around on crutches is so hard! Can’t you just carry me?” _ ) even more often than usual, the way they acted around each other itself didn’t reflect the swirling new emotions and confusion in his mind.

_ Well...if they were really meant for each other, maybe that made sense _ . It wasn’t like the discovery had suddenly slammed him with romantic feelings towards his childhood friend. He felt the same way he always had, he wanted to spend time with him and take care of him. He found comfort even in his presence itself. He was just starting to think about those same feelings in a different light, he supposed.

He wondered idly if Renzou was doing the same, if something more was going on in that head of his. For as close as they were and all the years they spent together, sometimes it felt like there were always parts of his friend that he still didn’t know at all.

“I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Konekomaru offered a reassuring smile, and his confidence was enough to strengthen Ryuuji’s resolve. As soon as they settled in, he and Renzou would talk this out.

_ Everything was going to be okay. _

  
  
  
  


The first thing to note about True Cross Academy is that it was absolutely massive. Excessively and campishly so. Finding the dorm building was a difficult feat even with a map of the campus on hand. Much of it seemed entirely unnecessary ( _ a theme park? Really? _ ) but Ryuuji supposed it would end up being a nice convenience to be able to access so much without ever leaving campus.

“Looks like we’re rooming together.” Konekomaru spoke pleasantly with a glance towards Renzou as they finally found their way through the dorms to the correctly numbered room. He smiled, but shot Ryuuji a sympathetic look that seemed to say  _ I’d trade if I could _ . “Um, I’ve got some things to do before unpacking. You two should go ahead with that, though!”

The excuse he was giving them was flimsy and obvious, but Ryuuji decided to snag the opportunity nonetheless.  _ Better sooner than later. _ He was grateful to have such a reliable friend, and his eyes shone with thanks as Konekomaru hurried off after dropping his stuff onto one of the room’s two beds.

Renzou plopped onto the empty bed immediately, swinging his good leg up and practically melting into the mattress. “Finally! I thought we’d never make it. This place is huge!”

Ryuuji didn’t even wait for him to ask before beginning to help sort through and unpack Renzou’s bags. Even if he was sure he’d be just as lazy if he were in perfect shape, he couldn’t exactly blame him for it now after navigating so much of the campus on a bad leg.

Quiet settled over the room. Both of them knew what was coming next, it was only a matter of who would speak up first. Despite how reluctantly he’d taken the news, it was Renzou who finally did. “So, uh… I’m guessing Koneko found out, huh?”

“‘Course he did.” Ryuuji confirmed. “Even if he hadn’t been there to see it when I did, I think he would’ve.”

“Yeah, I guess he’s pretty observant like that.” There was an uncomfortable stretch of silence again, an itch that neither of them wanted to scratch. “Listen, about what I said when…”

“It’s fine.” Ryuuji disrupted. He wanted to know what was wrong,  _ god _ did he want to know and find the power to wipe it away. But something told him whatever explanation Renzou was prepared to give him now wouldn’t be the whole truth. He’d rather take nothing at all. “You feel weird about the whole thing, right? I get it. I don’t want to force anything to change. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, actually, and… I feel exactly the same way about you as I always have.”

Renzou’s shoulders drooped a little at that. “Right. All that soulmate stuff’s pretty crazy anyways, right? Kinda old-fashioned, if you ask me. I mean, does anyone younger than our parents even  _ follow _ that stuff anymore?”

He was beginning to ramble anxiously, Ryuuji recognized it right away. He made quick strides over to the bed to sit beside him, taking Renzou’s hands in his own and quieting him with a stroke of his thumb. “That’s not what I meant.”

He cleared his throat, closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath before opening them again and making careful eye contact.

“Shima Renzou, I’m in love with you.”

Another long stretch of silence filled the room, occupied only by their hammering hearts and shaking breaths. Then, Renzou pulled one hand away from Ryuuji’s and covered his own mouth instead, suppressing a laugh.

“What’s with that face? You look so serious!” He set his laughter free then, a series of giggles that had Ryuuji turning bright red.

“What’s wrong with that?! I’m being serious!” He defended himself with a huff.

“But your face! It’s just… so much for a love confession!” Renzou is cracking up freely now, wiping tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes. “That’s one of the things I really love about you, y’know?”

_ Love _ , he’d said. The word barely managed to settle in Ryuuji’s mind as he opened and closed his mouth in search of a response.  _ Love _ .  _ He loved him? He l---- _

Suddenly, a  _ thud _ of pain hit him, like he’d just gotten shoved. Renzou stopped laughing then, and they shared a look of understanding.  _ Their other soulmate, wherever he was out there, had been hurt _ . It wasn’t an entirely new experience for either of them, when they were younger there had often been times where they’d feel the wounds and roughhousing of a fight neither of them had been in. This was the first time as a shared experience, though. The first they knew something was happening together.

The first feeling on its own wasn’t so unusual, but the next came a sharp sting at their hairlines. That was much more worrying. It only lasted a second, though. And then… nothing.

“Our soulmate’s kinda a troublemaker, huh?” Renzou broke through the tension built by the disruption of pain with a small grin. Ryuuji’s heart skipped a beat at the words  _ our  _ soulmate.

“You can say that again. Stuff like that’s been happening to both of us for a long time, huh?” The soreness of scraped knuckles, of getting knocked around in a brawl they never took part of. It felt relieving to be able to bond over it now, at least. Ryuuji wondered what kind of person their soulmate really was. Who could possibly be meant for the both of them? If they were really all from fights, they couldn’t exactly be an upstanding citizen or anything. He wondered if they’d even ever meet someone like that…

He’d presumed whatever scuffle they’d ended up in was over, until the feeling of a harsh slap suddenly hit his cheek. “Seriously? I’m gonna track ‘em down just to tell them to get their act together.”

He was ready to brush it off again, it wasn’t anything entirely new after all. But just as he prepared to move on, to bring his full attention back to Renzou and their previous conversation and the fact that  _ he had said he loved him _ , something horrible began.

An intense wave of pain floods through him, so overpowering he can’t process anything else. By the looks and sound of it, Renzou was experiencing the same thing right beside him. He put a hand to his own chest, and he felt Renzou’s fingers gripping onto the sleeves of his shirt as they breathed through gritted teeth.

Everything felt  _ way too warm _ , like his insides were on fire. His head ached far worse than any migraine he’d ever felt before. There was a twinge at the base of his spine, an intense, fiery feeling in every muscle.

Then, in both an instant and an eternity, it was over. Leaving nothing in its wake but a deep, aching sense of dread in his heart.

“Man, that was intense.” Renzou sounded winded, like he was still struggling to recover from the anxiety that washed over him. Ryuuji held onto him tightly, both seeking and sending out comfort. “That’s not like any sorta fight I’ve ever felt before. What  _ was _ that?”

“I don’t know...” Ryuuji replied softly, despite the rhetorical nature of the question. “But whatever it was, I’ve got a bad feeling.”

Something seriously bad had happened to their soulmate. Like it was an instinct, his heart screamed out with the need to find out what. If he had been curiously uncertain before, now he felt fueled with determination. They had to find them.

_ But what if it was already too late? _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rin time!! i felt a little nervous about rewriting scenes from the manga going into this one, it’s something so many of my favorite fics have done and it’s always so unique and fresh and fun but this was my first time giving it a shot myself! but i hope you enjoy!

Rin Okumura had always found it hard to believe that everyone could have a soulmate. Growing up, he’d overhear other kids chattering excitedly about the feelings they shared with someone out there in the world, fantasizing this and that about what kind of person they must be and how they would meet one day and squealing with delight whenever they’d get the sensation of a scraped knee or a paper cut without taking a fall of their own. But Rin had always been covered in his own bumps and bruises and scrapes, courtesy of his reckless tendencies and short temper. The stings and sores he felt out of nowhere on occasion had to just be old injuries he’d failed to notice before, even if they were invisible. Because there was no way someone like him could ever have a person they belonged with out there, right?

“Your soulmate’s probably some kinda scary monster.” A kid had told him once in a particularly bold moment. “That way you’d have a perfect match!”

He responded by screaming and breaking the boy’s jaw, but when he came back to himself it occurred to him that maybe doing that had just proved him right.

He asked his dad once if  _ he  _ had a soulmate, and if he did then how come he didn’t live with them and get married even though he was so old. After quickly chiding him for calling him old, he stopped for a moment and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Hmmm… Well priests aren’t allowed to get married, so I probably don’t have one.”

Rin’s eyes had widened at that, utterly shocked. “Really? So everyone doesn’t have one?” At the time, he wasn’t sure if that was the answer he’d wanted to hear or not. But it was one he trusted more than anything anyone at school had to say about it.

“Who needs all that junk about fate, anyways? You should follow whatever decisions make you feel good, be with whoever makes you happy. Soulmate or not. Got that?”

Rin had nodded, and decided to take the old man’s words to heart from then on. He didn’t need a soulmate, and he didn’t need to believe that one existed out there for him to follow what he wanted in life. (Even if he was having a hard time figuring out exactly what that was.) He didn’t need someone else to bring him happiness, he could make it for himself.

If he  _ did _ happen to have one, though, he wanted to formally apologize for probably causing a whole lot more pain for them than they’d ever caused him. That would be enough for him, since he’d never expected to have much of a chance with them before. Now, with revelations made about his heritage and newly acquired demonic features, he knew for  _ sure  _ he didn’t.

It was the last thing on his mind now, anyways, as he still mourned the death of his father (who, despite some of Rin’s final words to him and the heavy regret that sat in his chest because of them, had always been a real parent to him---more real than the god of demon’s who claimed to have created him could ever be) and was thrown suddenly into a brand new world of demons and exorcism.

Although he was eager and anxious to get out there and face them right away, he had an even bigger enemy to take on first: school work. It had never been Rin’s strong suit, he could never seem to focus or remember stuff when it came to writing it all down or answering questions on a test. He was much more of a hands-on kind of guy, letting muscle memory and gut feelings take the lead instead of using his head.

That said, he couldn’t help it that he kept dozing off during class. Even when he tried to absorb every single droning, boring, confusing word the teachers said, he found himself drooling over his books and  _ dreaming _ . Although it was true that anything soulmate-related had been pushed far, far back in his mind, that didn’t seem to entirely stick when he was asleep. Instead, his unconscious mind seemed determined to feed him a series of what-if daydreams, both joyous and ugly. Snippets of two hands wound tightly in each of his own, holding on like a lifeline. They aren’t soft and slender like Rin would expect, but rough with a strong hold that made his heart skip a beat even in dreamland. Sometimes it ended there as he was jerked awake by the dinging of the bell or the bang of something being smacked down on the desk in front of him, with their touch warm and soothing. 

Other times he was out long for his own hands to sharpen into claws, the sting of them digging into the other two hands hitting the back of his own as they jerk away. He’d feel his appearance shifting the way it did whenever he drew his sword, and the blurred faces in his dream would turn away in horror.

_ “Wait! I know what it looks like but I promise it’s alright. I’m not---” _

They’d spit ugly words back in his face, the same ones he grew up hearing around him all the time. No matter how Rin tried to defend and explain himself, they’d close in on him with venomous strikes.  _ Monster. Demon. Son of Satan. _

_ Who could ever love someone like you? _

“---kumura! Okumura!” An irritated shout pulled him back into reality. He looked around dazed as his brain caught up with where he was.

“Wh….sorry.”  _ Gee, what a crappy nightmare. _ Less miserable than much of his recent ones had been, though. He’d take that over the experience of watching his father’s face twist and morph into something sickeningly awful---blood spraying from his neck and Rin sitting there horrified and  _ helpless helpless helpless- _ \--any day.

“The hell’s with that guy? Why’s he even here?” Rin turned his head back curiously towards the grumbling voice.  _ Woah...that guy’s hair was really cool. Must take a lot of work!  _ Despite being in class with everyone for a bit now, Rin hadn’t exactly taken the time to get to know all his classmates just yet. Besides Shiemi, most of them seemed pretty content to stick to their own pre-existing circles. The three boys on one end of the room and two girls on the other must have known each other before coming here. Rin felt a pang in his heart as he watched the easy ways they interacted. He wondered if he could ever have friends like that too… 

Despite the way this guy (what was his name again? Subaru? Sumomo? Something like that, but neither sounded quite right) was glaring at him, Rin couldn’t help continuing to look back in amazement.  _ He looked really cool! _ Although, he also looked ready to pummel Rin into the ground for some reason. So Rin forced himself to turn back around in his seat and face the front of the classroom once again.

_ Heh…  _ The old Rin might’ve gotten annoyed by the glare and picked a fight right back. But not now! He was going to become an exorcist, and he was turning over a new leaf to do so. “Hehehe…”

“Okumura!”

On the other hand, paying attention in class hadn’t quite made it onto the list of new changes yet.

  
  


As the days went on and Rin continued to fail to stay awake during cram school, it started to become evident that the half-blonde boy didn’t plan on letting the rivalry he’d built between the two of them go any time soon. He took one look at Rin’s painfully low grades ( _ sickening _ , as Yukio had called them) and laughed, insulted him right to his face and showed off his own high marks.

_ Alright _ , so this guy was kinda a jerk. What had Rin ever done to him? It was going to take a lot more than cool hair and a handsome face for him to let that slide (wait, handsome? Well… He hadn’t actually thought about it before but now that he did, it was a pretty accurate description.)

“A guy like you getting grades like that...that kinda stuff doesn’t just happen.” He hadn’t even meant to insult him, he’d just been completely shocked when he’d flipped the paper around to reveal his 98%. He hadn’t even meant to say it out loud, really.

But the words are like a lit match against the wick of a fuse, and it’s too late to put it out.

“The hell was that?!” He hollered, the smug look on his face from before now wiped away to pure rage. “Listen, I come to class to do some serious studyin’! I wanna earn the right to call myself an exorcist. Same goes for everyone here besides you! What’s with you always hallf-assin’ it? Never payin’ attention in class….it pisses me off!”

“Wh...hey! I’m working hard too! I’m just---I’m more of a practical guy! I’m no god at all this book and paper studying stuff, I gotta be able to move around!”

He looked like he wanted to charge at him, but then the pink-haired classmate Rin had also forgotten the name of (Why did this class have so many good-looking guys in it? Was there another requirement for being an exorcist that no one had told him about?) was at his side, a hand placed in the space between his chest and his shoulder as he gave him a look to silently urge him to calm down. He didn’t seem very happy about it, but it was effective enough. He let out a heavy sigh and stopped yelling.

“You should really give the reason you're actually here some thought. If you ain’t serious about this, you’re never gonna be any good.”

Rin started to stammer and argue again, but Yukio was already pulling him back, the picture of calm as he asked everyone to settle down. He reluctantly ended up letting it go for now. Though he was sure that this wouldn’t be the last he’d be hearing from him.

Later that day, he sat up on the grandiose fountain in the middle of the school courtyard with Shiemi and stewed in the aggravation he hadn’t gotten the chance to release before. “What’s up with that guy? He’s really smart? He thinks he’s so great just ‘cause he’s got better grades…” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. It just didn’t make any sense! He couldn’t be smart, tough, and good-looking! It wasn’t fair, he had to pick! And what was with that other guy being able to bring him down so fast? He hadn’t even said any words! It was amazing, really. Rin had almost ( _ almost _ ) been so in awe of the simple, tender act that it’d distracted him from his anger for a second.

It occurred to Rin then that there was possibility the two could be soulmates. He’d never really seen anyone interacting with their destined partner in front of him before, so he wasn’t sure what it looked like. Whatever connection the two had seemed to run powerfully deep in any case. It felt wrong to just assume that, though.

“Rin…” Shiemi spoke up nervously then, drawing Rin’s attention.

“What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking...I really don’t belong here at all, do I?”

“Huh?” He was ready to refute it immediately, to assure her that no way, of course she had just as much of a right to be here as the rest of them, but then what she was saying and the other boy’s words from earlier clicked together. “Oh...cause you’re not really aiming to be an exorcist or anything? I don’t really think that’s a big deal, though. I mean...you’ve got your own reasons for wanting to come, that’s just as valid as anyone else’s.”

She gave him a grateful smile and nod, but her expression quickly dropped back into nervousness. “Rin...do you have any friends?”

“Huh?” That question was even more confusing than her first. “W--well, uh...look I---”

He stammered to try to explain himself, defend his lack of social circle to her. He just had never had the talent for making any, it wasn’t like he didn’t want them. He’d tried before, people just ended up being better off avoiding him. He wasn’t really sure that he made the best company, anyways. There was no way someone would want a guy like him as a friend, would they?

It didn’t mean he’d given up. It’d be amazing if he could manage to make some, especially someone as nice as Shiemi. Considerate and pleasant, and fun...those were the kinds of friends Rin would surround himself with if he could. But people like that befriending someone like him just didn’t make sense. It was unheard of. Impossible.

“Then, would y---” She looked like she had something important to ask, as she leaned in close with a desperate expression. But before she managed to let out whatever it was---

“Well, well, well! Looks like you two are havin’ a fine time!”

Rin placed the voice immediately, even before he whipped his head around. “Wh---what?! What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Suguro had the same smug look on his face as he’d had back in the classroom, and his two buddies stuck close behind him just like they did in each class. Although, rather than sharing his satisfaction, the two looked utterly embarrassed at his display.

“C’mon, tell me. Is she your girl? You really came to one of the only exorcism schools in the world and brought your girlfriend along with you? You sure are takin’ things easy...”

Rin’s face went completely red at the accusation. “My g---what?! No! It’s not like that, okay?! Quit makin’ assumptions like that!”

“Oho? What is it, then? She just your little friend?”

Rin spared a quick glance towards Shiemi, who seemed to be mortified and anxious about the entire situation. Crap….he couldn’t just say they were friends, could he? He’d never asked if she’d considered him one...it wasn’t like they were hanging out much outside of cram school either. Wasn’t there a whole bunch of stuff people were supposed to do together to be considered friends? Like, hanging out and stuff?

It left him with no choice. Refusing would be for the best, playing it safe.

“She’s not...my friend or anything like that…”

He hated the way it sounded as soon as it left his mouth, and he stared down away from both of them in humiliation---zeroing in on the stone walls of the fountain he stood on.

“Ehh? I see, I see.” He didn’t seem to have much else to say, but he wasn’t walking away yet. The awkward feeling his last answer had left in the air was becoming unbearable for Rin, and he forcibly cut through the silence.

“What about you, huh?! Never going anywhere without those cronies of yours! What, you can’t handle yourself on your own? That’s just pathetic!”

The whole trio looked shocked by the retort, and Suguro turned an even deeper shade of red than Rin had been earlier. The pink haired one started to chuckle from behind his sleeve, and he whipped his head around to face him, utterly appalled.

“Why are you laughin’?! It ain’t funny!”

“I dunno...it just kinda rang true, y’know?”

“The hell?! Just whose side are you on?” Still flushed, Suguro turned back around to face Rin again, his scowl even deeper than before.

“You---you just wait! You’re not gonna last here if you keep it up and don’t start takin’ things seriously!” With that he began to storm off. Shima flashed an apologetic smile towards Rin, before hurrying off after him. THe shortest one lingered a bit further behind, and spoke up before moving to follow along.

“Sorry...he’s not usually like this.” He dipped his head before scurrying off with the other two.

* * *

“Bon, what the heck was that?” Renzou asked as soon as they got back to the dorm. They’d taken to spending much of their time in Ryuuji’s room. It gave Koneko some alone time every now and then to study without Renzou being a distraction, plus he didn’t have a roommate. It gave them the space to be intimate in a way they hadn’t quite adjusted to enough to display in front of anyone just yet.

“That guy just pisses me off so much! I dunno…! I can’t really just explain it.” Every time he saw him, he felt riled up in a way he never had before. He couldn’t resist saying anything in a situation like that. The three of them were working too damn hard to get here...with stakes too damn high. He couldn’t stand watching some rich kid just float through their courses without a single care.

“You don’t say.” Renzou’s expression was a strange cross between concern and amusement, like he couldn’t quite decide which reaction to commit to. “I mean, I get that you’re upset and all...but why’d you have to drag that girl into it? You know I can’t bear to see a cute girl cry!”

Ryuuji shot him a look before turning his head down. He was embarrassed by the way he’d acted, he knew it was wrong. He hadn’t understood where it’d come from, either. Why he’d snapped and felt the need to interrogate Okumura about some innocent girl who had nothing to do with the other boy’s slacking. “I know...I know, you’re right. I wasn’t thinkin’.”

Renzou snickered at that. “How unlike you. Are you feeling alright?” He pressed the back of his hand jokingly to Ryuuji’s forehead, who lightly swatted it away.

“I’m fine.” He insisted. “Look, I’ll have to apologize to her soon. But I’m not apologizing to that Okumura brat.”

Renzou’s hands went up defensively. “Didn’t say you have to. Though it wouldn’t hurt to be a little friendlier, y’know? It’s not like he’s going anywhere until he goes somewhere. It’d suck if you kept wearin’ yourself out picking fights every day and getting distracted by him.”

Ryuuji sighed again. He didn’t want to let it go, it really didn’t seem fair to. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get the other boy out of his mind either. Still, he knew Renzou had a point. He couldn’t afford to get distracted from his own ambitions because he was too busy worrying about someone else’s “I’ll try.”

“Good.” Renzou looked pleased by his agreement, and gave him a quick peck on the tip of his nose. “Besides, I’d much rather you get distracted by me.” He said with a wink.

Ryuuji responded by giving Renzou’s own nose a light flick. “Not a chance.” He growled, cheeks dusted pink. Renzou laughed.

* * *

Gym class started that day the same as any other. They were running around a large arena-like zone, chased by a chained leaper in pairs. The exercise itself was pretty simple, outrun it and adjust to its movements. Don’t get caught. Rin was pretty sure he could pull it off in his sleep. He couldn’t help feeling a bit competitive when placed with Suguro (he’d been so bothered that he couldn’t remember his name right before, he’d hyper focused as Tsubaki called out attendance earlier), though. The guy’d been insulting him and picking fights all week, after all! Rin wasn’t sure what his deal was, but he wasn’t going to just let the slide where he could help it. He may have grown beyond trying to rough him up or go head-to-head in a fight like that, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t find another way to get back at him.

He was filled with a sense of smug pride as he turned back to see the wide gap between him and Suguro. “Too slow!” He grinned as he pushed forward, more playful than anything vindictive. “You may be smart, but it’s not gonna help you in the real world!”

It seemed to enrage Suguro regardless, as the other boy suddenly picked up his own speed as they rounded a corner. He must have miscalculated something though, because one moment he was starting to catch up to Rin and the next----smack. He was stumbling to the ground. Rin was ready to flash a victorious grin at him when he heard him yelp as he went down, but as he turned a sensation hit him in the chest, the wind knocked out of him like he’d just been the one to fall.

And oh. Oh no. That couldn’t be right. He had to just be imagining things. Maybe the concept of soulmates had just been on his mind way too much recently, the way it’d started to invade his dreams.

The leaper behind them lets out a croak as it’s chain is yanked back inches away from where Suguro is still pulling himself up off the ground. Rin shook his head wildly, he was just imagining it, he was almost certain he must be. He jogged back towards Suguro, holding out his hand in offering. “Hey, are you alright?”

Suguro looked down at his outstretched palm, eyes narrowed, before pushing himself to his feet without the assistance. “I can take care of myself.”

Rin frowned as he followed behind him, back up to the platform where the rest of the students awaited their turns. Tsubaki called Suguro aside to come talk to him, and Rin took the opportunity to finally speak his mind without risk of it turning into another heated confrontation.

“Gee, what’s that guy’s problem?”

“You’ll have to forgive Bon for bein’ like that. He takes everything super seriously, so he can get real worked up even over stuff like this.” Shima piped in, a fond look in his eyes as he spoke. “He came here with a pretty crazy goal, y’know. That guy wants to defeat Satan himself.”

He felt a little elated for a second, hearing that they shared the same ambition, but then his heart dropped. Of course… Someone with such a personal vendetta against Satan would probably despise him just as much. It was like Yukio had said, a lot of people would resent him for just being born. Suguro already wasn’t Rin’s biggest fan, how much worse would it be if he knew the whole truth?

It felt like a sick joke was being played on him by the universe. His whole life, he’d refuted the very idea of soulmates. He’d sworn off letting them bother him, was sure if he had one out there he’d probably never meet them. It wouldn’t matter. And now that person was right in front of him, in the same very small class as Rin. And he probably hated Rin more than anything---well, anything other than Rin’s birth father.

He thought back to when he’d mistaken Shima and him for soulmates. Even if he’d been wrong, they had an undeniably strong connection. Rin was sure he could never compare to that.

It reminded him of the words his father had said to him all those years ago---be with whoever makes you happy.  _ Soulmate or not. _ Rin couldn't help the spark of envy that lit up when he observed the way Shima talked about the other boy. His words were so simple, not even particularly complimentary, but warmth danced within them. The two of them were good for each other, better than Rin could ever be.

“So it’s like that, huh…” Rin spoke distantly, more to himself than in reply. He gave Suguro a serious look as he came walking back over.

Well, he’d been content to live without one before. There was no reason this had to change anything. He would keep his head up, and get by without telling him. It would only complicate things for both of them, and if his soulmate was happy with who he had now, that was good enough for Rin.

He just had to make sure he never got hurt in front of him. That couldn’t be  _ too _ hard, could it?

  
  


“Hey.” Rin mentally prepared himself for another fight as he watched Suguro approach. He’d been actually trying to study for once, his  _ soul-- _ classmate’s words about his lack of effort had been nagging at him, but it was really hard to concentrate, especially when his  _ stupid hair _ kept getting in the way. He pushed it back insistently, though it kept dropping right back down into his face the moment he let go, and he struggled to turn the pages in front of him without it happening again.

“What?” He asked with a pout, still holding wild strands of hair back from his face. “You coming over to make fun of me?”

Suguro looked irritated for a second, but bit back whatever retort came to mind. “I need to talk to you.”

A flurry of wild butterflies took over Rin’s chest then. He couldn’t have figured it out already, could he? Rin hadn’t gotten hurt at all even after yesterday’s escapades with the leaper after their teacher had left them behind.

(It had been close, far too close for comfort. But a flash of Rin’s fangs and a sharp warning in his eyes had the low-level demon backing down quickly before it could latch it’s jaw around either of them.)

“Oh. Sure.” He tried to keep his expression even, forcing an easy smile. “What’s up?”

“About yesterday…” Suguro started to hesitate, looking away like he still felt some level of reluctance to say whatever he was about to. Rin’s heart hammered even harder, and he prayed the other boy couldn’t hear it in his pause. “Thanks. I might’ve had the wrong idea about you.”

It came as both a shock and a relief, and Rin felt his forced expression melt away into something more soft and natural. “Oh! It was nothing!”

“Yeah, well…” Suguro continued to avoid eye contact as he pulled out a small metal clip. “Look, I don’t wanna owe you anything so… have this. I use it to keep my hair outta my eyes when I’m studying at night.”

Rin looked at it uncertainly for a moment, half expecting him to yank it away and laugh at him as soon as he reached out for it. But when he did, Suguro merely let him take it from his grasp. Rin clutched onto the little clip, turning it around and watching the dusty yellow light of the classroom bounce off of it like it was some sort of precious gem. He stared in awe, so captivated he almost forgot how to speak.

“Thanks!” He exclaimed eagerly once he finally managed to pull himself from his hair clip-induced trance. “Y’know… about your ambitions too, I think they’re really cool! Actually, I’m gonna be the one to defeat Satan, but you can totally back me up!”

Suguro’s eyes widened, face going red before he furrowed his brow and began scowling. “Huh?! Who’s backing who up?!”

Rin started to laugh as Suguro grew flustered, and it all felt so easy. It didn’t matter if they couldn’t be  _ together  _ together. If he and Suguro could become friends, Rin could be happy. He was sure he wouldn’t have any regrets then.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i’m super sorry for the delay, i’ve had a really busy week and then i struggled to get writing motivation to come back for a few days. 
> 
> also a note to ahtwly readers, i apologize but i’ve put that on hold for now while i work on finishing this! thank you for your support and understanding.

At the start of the year, Rin typically ate lunch by himself. It never bothered him, he had grown pretty used to it during the time he still showed up for middle school while he and Yukio were in different classes and Rin hadn’t wanted to ruin things for him with the reputation he’d accumulated for himself back then. He could always eat with Yukio now, and occasionally he did, but his brother was almost always getting flocked by girls during their lunch hour. Rin didn’t mind sticking around and trying to make conversation with all of them, but they usually made it pretty clear they found him to be a nuisance. So he sat out on the school lawn by himself, the bento box he’d made himself the night before set in front of him. 

He’d started to find that actually trying in class worked up even more of an appetite than blocking everything out with a purpose ever had. He was eager to dig in and enjoy when he heard a familiar voice call out to him. “Hey, Okumura-kun!”

“Ha--Oh! Hey, hi!” He paused with a slice of chicken lingering halfway between his lunch box and his open mouth to look up and call out in response to Shima’s greeting. The other boy strolled over with an easy smile on his face.

“This seat taken?” He asked, gesturing at the grass in front of Rin with his foot.

“Ummm… nope! Go ahead.” Despite what Rin had previously managed to convince himself about being happy for Suguro and Shima no matter what, and despite his determination to befriend the two of them, he couldn’t repress the fluttery sense of nervousness that popped up with the two of them completely alone together like this.

Would Shima be mad if he knew…? Would he hate him? He might get worried that Rin would try to steal Suguro away….even if he would never even dream to. No matter how much he had to ignore the tight curl of jealousy that wrapped around his core when he would watch the two of them together.

“Thanks!” Shima plopped down, cross-legged as he situated his tray from the cafeteria down in front of him. It wasn’t from the finest end of the menu, but even the simple stuff had been far too overpriced for Rin’s taste (and budget.)

“Where’s everyone?” Rin asked as he finally brought the piece of chicken he’d been about to eat into his mouth, feeling a little calmer as soon as it hit his taste buds.

“Oh, Bon an’ Koneko? Those guys are holed up in the library today.” Shima’s expression shifted into one of utter appallment as he answered. “Doing work during lunchtime! Our one break of the day! Can you believe it?”

Rin looked equally disturbed by the concept. “They really aren’t messing around at all.”

“It’s like I told ya, Bon’s way too serious sometimes!” Shima lamented. “He tried to drag me along too! He’s so cruel sometimes! Depriving me of my freedom like that…”

“I’m surprised you managed to get out of it.” Suguro didn’t seem like the type to just let him go if he thought he needed the extra time to study. He seemed far too stubborn and determined to relent so easily.

“Well,” Shima’s look of mock pain adjusted into something a little more mischievous, he gave a wink and pressed the tip of his index finger to his mouth with a smile. “Let’s just say I’m real good at slippin’ away.”

Rin matched the mischief in his grin. “You’re gonna get an earful later, huh?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Shima responded with a laugh. “But hey! This is worth it.”

Rin wasn’t sure why, but he felt himself flush a little at the statement. He knew the other boy couldn’t have meant hanging out with him specifically. He was sure he’d just been referring to getting out of studying in general, but the statement still sent a rush of warmth through his chest.

In the lull in their conversation, Shima finally turned his attention down to his tray of food. Despite the time it must have taken to come out here and their chatting, steam still curled through the air above it. Shima plucked up a piece of meat eagerly and dropped into it his mouth without even blowing first.

“ _ Ouch----! _ ”

“Ah---! Ih’s hawh!” He winced at the burn to his tongue, and Rin’s eyes went wide when he felt the heat at the back of his throat. He looked down at where his own chopsticks were resting across the top of his lunchbox, where they had been since before Shima had taken a bite of his own food. Even if he had just taken a bite of his own, Rin’s lunch had spent the night in the refrigerator, it was far from hot.

Which meant----But Suguro was supposed to be----

But the two of them were----

Rin was beginning to feel dizzy, his head ready to explode as he tried to process the concept. He’d never heard of anyone having two soulmates before. But...he was pretty sure he’d heard of people dating multiple people before, so it couldn’t be impossible… 

But  _ Rin… _ Rin was… He could never…

He needed some time to process this, he couldn’t calm himself down or make any sense of it right in front of the other boy. Not without looking suspicious.

“I just remembered!” Rin burst out, hurriedly recovering his lunch and making to grab his things. “I actually have a, uh, thing to tell Yukio about! I’d totally love to wait and hang out more but it’s kinda urgent so uhh, catch you at cram school later?”

“Oh, yeah dude no problem!” If Shima was suspicious at all, his relaxed expression and easy tone did nothing to betray that. “I bet it’s gotta suck having your brother as a teacher, huh? You can’t escape him at all.”

“Tell me about it. He’s like a jailer.” Rin laughed awkwardly, trying to keep the panic slowly wrapping itself around his lungs from slipping through. “Anyways, I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it! I’ll catch ya later!” They both waved to each other as Rin hurried away, not heading in any particular direction. He weaved through the large structures and columns throughout campus, searching for any sign of his brother and cursing the campus for being so massive.

He hadn’t lied to Shima when he’d decided to flee, at least. He really did want to question Yukio about it. He had much more of a brain on his shoulders (that was the saying, wasn’t it?) than Rin, he’d probably know more about what to do in a situation like this. 

Finally, he spotted Yukio attempting to shake himself free from the hold of some girls Rin was sure he’d seen flocked around him once or twice before.

“Okumura-san, we’re obviously meant to be! I totally saw the face you made when I got that paper cut in class earlier. You felt it too, didn’t you?” One of the girls, tall and wiry with red-framed glasses, had practically draped herself over him, and it seemed like his ability to shield his discomfort with politeness was starting to slip away.

_Good_ _timing_. Rin thought as he dashed in to his brother’s rescue. “Hey, Yukio! You’re free right now, right? You told me you were gonna help me out with that...thing.”

All three of the girls snapped their heads towards him, and an even taller one with longer brown hair pushed back neatly from her face stepped forward with an irritated look on her face. “Excuse you, you’re interu---”

“Oh, that’s right. Thank you for reminding me. Yes, let’s go handle… that thing.” Yukio looked relieved (if a little frustrated) as he successfully pried himself away from the girls at last. He turned to them with a tight smile, his voice friendly but firm with the sense of finality that they couldn’t refute again. “Thank you for the lunches. Goodbye.”

They each gave Rin a nasty look, ones of offense and disgust, as the two of them walked away.

Even if Yukio had no clue what Rin was going to say, he at least had the sense to assume it was something that couldn’t be brought up among the other students. He could probably see Rin’s nervous fidgeting and the remains of panic still reflected in his eyes. At least he’d managed to calm himself a little through his stroll to find him.

They finally found a place with enough solitude to talk, and Yukio halted first before turning to address Rin.

“What did you do?” His feigned smile from dealing with those girls before is gone now, replaced by a look of concern and urgency that looked way more like something an adult who’d caught him in the middle of some trouble should be giving him rather than his twin brother.

“Wh---hey, c’mon, I didn’t do anything! How come that’s the first thing you think of?”

“You’ve got a bit of a talent for getting yourself into trouble, Nii-san.” Yukio pointed out, and Rin couldn’t really argue or find himself too offended by that.

“Yeah, okay… I’ll give you that one but I swear that’s not what happened this time!” Rin fidgeted more, now that he was about to say it out loud it felt all too real and terrifying and he wasn’t entirely sure if he actually wanted to have this conversation at all. “I was just… well I figured if anyone knew it’d be you, so…”

He stalled and mumbled through his words, causing Yukio to look at him with even more of that troubled concern. An eyebrow raised. “Go on, then.”

“Just…” Rin sighed, frustrated by how hard it was to get out. This was Yukio he was talking to, he trusted him with anything. He knew he could rely on him if he needed to, and he wasn’t afraid to let him know, but still. Facing it all was… It was terrifying. His emotions felt like explosions going off in his head, his heart, his soul. Even still, he had to do it.

“Is it….y’know, is it possible for someone to have more than one soulmate?”

“It’s not unheard of…” Yukio responded neutrally, though his head tilted with confusion. “I thought you weren’t interested in that sort of thing, Nii-san.”

“I’m not.” Rin insisted a little too quickly. “I mean...I wasn’t, I guess. I dunno now. I kinda…” God, could he really get advice about something like this from Yukio? Maybe he should back out now, maybe he shouldn’t bother him. “I think I might…”

He made a few vague hand gestures, trying to communicate where words seemed to be failing him. Yukio looked confused for a moment, but it seemed to click together eventually, and Rin found himself both relieved and not at all surprised. Of course his brother would be smart enough to figure him out.

“So you have two soulmates. And they’re both students here?”

“Cram school, too.” Rin looked up sheepishly. He felt a little better not having to say it himself, somehow. He was extra grateful for Yukio at times like this.

“Mm. Suguro-kun and Shima-kun.” He stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Wh---wait, how’d you---”

“Lucky guess.” Yukio cut in, though it was blatantly untrue. He didn’t give Rin the chance to question it any further. “You’re not planning on telling them, are you?”

“Uh, I mean I didn’t think----.”

“You know you can’t.” He had that same cold look on his face now as he had back when Rin had confronted him on the first day of class, and it brought a wave of unease washing over him. Irritation and discomfort. “There are too many risk factors.”

“Yeah.” Rin mumbled and kicked a tiny little rock by his foot across the pavement, feeling defeated even though it was a conclusion he’d already come to on his own much earlier. “I’m not gonna, so don’t worry about it.”

“That’s good.” Rin had hardly noticed Yukio tense up before until he watched his shoulders sag in relief. That cold reflection in his eyes softened into something a little more sympathetic, though it didn’t make Rin feel any better. “I’m sure it won’t be easy, but you’ll be alright, Nii-san. As long as they don’t find out. I’ll support you in any way I can.”

“I know.” He felt even worse now, to be honest. But he supposed it was what he needed to hear. It was validation that he’d made the right call, deciding to keep things a secret. Yukio hadn’t discouraged him from befriending them still, too. That was all he needed, really. He turned his head back up at Yukio with a half-forced smile. “Thanks.”

He would be okay. This was for the best.

  
  


Rin breathed the warm night air in deeply. Spring was beginning to make way into summer, the chill of nightfall was milder now than it’d been just a week ago, and crickets sang a hearty chorus from the woods surrounding him. It buzzed in his ears loud enough to drown out the buzzing in his brain, and Rin closed his eyes and let it take over. 

Being around Suguro and Shima so much thanks to this whole camp thing had its perks, sure. He  _ liked _ spending time with them, even just sitting together through Yukio’s grueling amounts of paperwork and tests, exchanging pained glances back and forth with Shima and watching the intensity and determination on Suguro’s face as he worked without looking up even once. He liked simply existing by them, and that’s why he was sure it would be okay to never tell. If things kept going like they had been so far, it was more than enough.

It was exhausting, though. Keeping one massive secret from all his classmates was hard enough on its own, but another on top of that had guilt gnawing viciously at his chest. Sometimes he felt like it would be better to just tell them and get their rejection over with… they deserved to know. But Yukio’s words from a few days ago still played over and over in his head.  _ Too many risk factors. _ it wouldn’t be fair to tell them either, would it? They might feel a sense of obligation or something, it might make things too complicated in their already perfectly content relationship.

He didn’t know which was really the right thing to do, but once he told them that would be it. He couldn’t take it back or hit undo. So even if not telling them had its own set of cons, he’d take the feelings that sat with him now over what the resulting consequences of actually making the decision to say something might be. For now, anyways.

Someday… maybe someday things could be different…

For the time being, being around them required more focus than he’d ever given anything in his life. He was trying his hardest to avoid so much as bumping his knee in their presence. The concept of telling them was bad enough, them finding out on their own would be even worse. He wasn’t ready for that yet… He might never be.

He spent a few minutes like that, laying back against the roof of the old dorm building he now called a home with his limbs splayed out beside him, head tilted back towards the starry sky with closed eyes. The chirps of crickets in his ears. Most of the time, he wasn’t very good at staying still. He needed to fidget, to pace. To get up and wiggle and move. But sometimes, when his brain was going faster than any other part of him could keep up with, it felt good to just shut down like this for a moment instead. To lay back and slow down, somehow it convinced his head to slow down just enough too.

He pulled himself up with a stretch. Couldn’t stay out too long, or he’d end up falling asleep like this. The juicebox he’d brought up with him when he’d first stepped out for some air is empty now, but he gnawed at the end of the straw, sharp fangs pierced holes in the plastic. (There was something he’d noticed since awakening his demon half, he’d already had a pretty strong urge to chew on things most of his life and it’d only gotten worse.)

He was making his way back down to where the rest of the boys had been when he’d left when he ran into Shiemi instead. She stood at the entrance to the baths, a pensive look on her face.

“Shiemi? What are you doing out here?”

  
She didn’t even turn to face him, just kept staring straight ahead, looking distant. “Nothing… I have to go buy some fruit milk.”

Rin felt an itch of frustration then. All week, he’d been watching from a distance as Izumo bossed Shiemi around. All week, he’d kept his mouth shut as his friends insisted he shouldn’t get himself involved. But he couldn’t keep standing by while Shiemi got pushed around. She didn’t deserve to be treated by anyone.

Especially not her own soulmate, if Rin had to make a guess. The other day, he’d watched Shiemi fall flat on her face in the hallway, and the look on Izumo’s had become bright red and absolutely mortified. That’s when she’d begun to do more than just avoid her as much as she avoided all the rest of them. From then on, he’d watched the girl get pushed this way and that, running back and forth to do Izumo’s bidding without an ounce of gratitude put her way in return.

It was starting to piss him off. He grabbed hold of her arm without thinking as she turned to scurry away, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to him with wide, confused eyes. “What…?”

“When are you gonna cut this out? What are you letting her push you around and treat you like an errand runner for?”

Her expression wobbled, brows furrowed together above doe-like eyes and her trembling lower lip worried between her teeth. “I’m not… I’m not an errand runner. I’m just helping out my friend…”

“You’re not! She doesn’t actually care, she’s just bossing you around! Think about it, has she ever even thanked you?!”

“She doesn’t need to!” Shiemi shook her head defiantly. “If I can be strong and help someone else out for once, that’s enough for me.”

Rin’s eyes widened in shock for a moment, he’d been completely oblivious to how deeply Shiemi’s feelings about this had run. He’d thought she was just getting taken advantage of, that she’d been fooling herself completely. She was a lot more aware of things than she ever seemed to let on, and yet she still…

“H--hey, you don’t have to----” He began stammering for something to say, when a horrifying screech coming from the bathroom door behind them disrupted, stealing both their attention immediately. “Was that…”

“Kamiki-san! Paku-san!” Before Rin could even blink, Shiemi had yanked herself away and was running back towards the sound.

“Hey, wait---!”

“Rin! You go get Yuki-chan.” She turned back to him briefly, and Rin caught a spark of strength among the fear in her eyes. “My friends need me. I won’t leave them behind.”

With that, she turned back around and hurried away.  _ Shit…  _ He didn’t have much of a choice then, did he? He flung himself over the side of the stairwell, calling out for his brother and hoping he hadn’t gone off very far.

“Nii-san!” Lucky for him, Yukio must’ve heard the shriek too. He hadn’t gone very far yet when he ran into him, already coming in his direction. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t know yet. But we gotta move fast! It’s somethin’ in the girl’s bathroom!” He grabbed hold of Yukio’s wrist, pulling him along towards the door he’d just watched Shiemi rush through.

The scene inside wasn’t a fun one at all. Upon entering, Yukio shoved Rin aside with his gun drawn and pointed towards a nasty-looking demon that loomed over the girls. Luckily, a few shots had it scampering away, but Shiemi was clutching a weak-looking Paku as she teetered on the edge of consciousness. Yukio quickly hurried over to check on the two of them, and Rin was about to follow until the sound of sniffling in the corner caught his attention instead.

He was shocked to find Izumo curled behind a set of lockers, stripped down to her underwear and face puffy and red with tears, a wet dribble of snot above her lips. “Don’t---don’t look at me!” She snapped ferociously, like a wild animal that’d been cornered, once she caught him staring. She curled in on herself even tighter, burying her face in her knees. “I don’t want anyone to see me like this! I’m so hideous, and---and pathetic! It’s gross!”

Rin felt an aching sense of familiarity as he looked at her. Somehow, it brought him back to when the old man had died. Crouched on the floor over his body, weak and pathetic and still shaking with fear even after Satan and the gate were both long gone. Knowing without even needing to see for himself that he didn’t look human anymore. The brush of a tail against the back of his legs and the point of fangs against the insides of his mouth making him feel like a  _ monster _ .

No one else deserved to feel like that. Even if Rin wasn’t particularly fond of her, he didn’t want to see her suffer like that. Without a word, he pulled off his own shirt and tossed it at her. “Hurry and put that on.”

She looked completely offended for a moment, like she wanted to object. Instead, she sniffled again and pulled it on over her head. Covered up at least a little now, she pulled herself up off the bathroom floor and darted out, shooting him a look as she passed him that he couldn’t quite read.

She was out the door before Rin could get another word out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took so long! holidays and general brain business got in the way but i hope you enjoy! i’ve also updated the tags a bit

Izumo approached him early the next morning, in an otherwise empty hall as Rin splashed cold water in his face and attempted to rub the sleep from his eyes. She held out the shirt he’d loaned her the night before with one hand, making a point not to look at him as she did.

“You better not tell anyone what you saw back there.” Izumo warned as he hesitantly took the shirt back, crossing her arms indignantly.

“Huh? Who would I even tell?” Rin seemed perplexed by the idea even crossing her mind. “Look, you don’t gotta worry about that. It’s none of my business, but...isn’t there something else you should be talking to someone about?”

“Me? I don’t have anything to say to anyone!” She spat with flustered denial.

“Oh yeah? What’s going on with you and Shiemi then, huh?” Rin bristled right back, feeling defensive of the other girl who was too kind for her own good. “You keep bossing her around, treating her like garbage. But I saw what happened the other day! You two are totally soulmates, aren’t you?! So what gives? Quit treating her like that, she really wants to be friends ya know!”

“Wh---Wh---” Izumo stammered, growing bright red. “Whatever you think you saw, you clearly need to get your eyes checked! Or maybe you brain. I’m not---I’d never---”

She looked down, cheeks puffed in a pout. “She’s annoying. That’s all it is. I don’t have to be nice to her if I don’t want to.”

“Bullshit!” Rin shouted, pointing with an accusatory finger as he called her out her flawed logic. “You don’t get to just treat people like that, whatever the reason is! Especially not someone who’s just trying their best to be nice to you.”

“Well I never asked her to be nice!” Izumo snapped then, looking nearly as frustrated to tears as she had back in the bath room last night. “It’s not my fault she’s so stupidly persistent! She should just give up already!”

Rin felt awkward then, drawing back his hand and shuffling his feet as he tried to think of what the right thing to say would be. He hadn’t meant to upset her this much, he just was sick of seeing Shiemi wear herself out with so many favors and not get even a glimmer of appreciation in return. “Wh---hey, you----”

He floated mid-motion, caught between wanting to reach out and pull back. “Look, I dunno what’s going on but… whatever it is can’t be worth pushing her away, right? I mean, it’s probably better to have someone around who can help instead of going through it alone…?”

Maybe it was hypocritical of him to say. He really wasn’t experienced in this whole comforting thing, but he had to give it his best effort. Regardless of how Izumo had treated Shiemi, she didn’t deserve to be feeling miserable. Even if it wasn’t right, her reasoning behind it seemed like something far removed from malice. She wasn’t an awful person, when it really came down to it.

She looked at him in intense silence, polka-dot brows knitted together and her quivering lips turned downwards. The tears of frustration still sat at the edges of her lash line, threatening to spill, but held on. “Well what about you, then? I see the way you look at those guys.”

“M---me?!” Rin turned his finger towards himself this time, completely baffled by the shift in the conversation. “Me?!” He had to think fast, had to play oblivious. “What guys? No idea what you mean!”

Izumo narrowed her eyes in suspicion. She wasn’t buying it at all, not that Rin had thought he was being very convincing. He still sort of wished she’d at least played along a little, but this was probably karma for pushing her on the same subject in the first place.

“Well… Okay, listen. That’s a totally different territory. I’m totally happy being just friends, so it doesn’t matter how I look at anyone or who’s soulmate is who’s!” He tried to flash a grin, hoping he’d be a little more convincing than his last attempt to brush it off. The look on her face still told him he wasn’t very successful in that matter.

“Look. It’s just super complicated, okay? I’m pretty sure they’re already dating, I can’t just waltz in there be like, surprise! I’m your soulmate too, I know we just met and all while you two have known each other basically your whole lives, but mind letting me jump in? What if they’re not into...that?” His rambling trailed off as Izumo’s expression once again didn’t budge.

“Did you ask?”

“Huh?”

“If they’re dating. Did you even ask?”

“Well, not technically, but---”

Izumo stared at him blankly. “God, you really are an idiot. How’d you even make it into this school?”

Rin responded with a sheepish grin and a shrug. “Special circumstances?”

“No kidding.” Izumo rolled her eyes. “Is there some special part-demon scholarship no one told me about?”

“Y---Wha----Huh----” For the second time in only a few minutes, Izumo had managed to make Rin completely speechless with shock. How did she know so much? Wait, if she knew then that meant----

“You can’t tell anyone!” He blurted out desperately, grabbing hold of both her arms as he met her sharp eyes with his own pleading ones. “I mean---I would prefer if you didn’t talk about the whole double soulmates thing till I’ve got that all figured out, but that… you really, really can’t tell anyone. Please?”

Izumo looks startled for a moment by his sudden desperation, by the intensity it brought forth, but her expression softens a little into something different. Understanding. “Alright. Relax, I won’t even tell Paku.” He let go then, feeling a rush of relief and gratitude. “I don’t see what the problem is, though. There’s plenty of exorcists with demon lineage, you know. It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

Rin looked up from where he’d bent over to give his thanks, blinking in surprise. “Really? There are?”

“Uhh, yeah?” She flipped some of her plum-colored locks that had fallen over her shoulder back. “So if it’s about what those guys think of you for that, then stop worrying so much. If they treat you any different because of something as stupid as that, they’re garbage anyways. Guys like that aren’t worth your time.”

In some ways, he guessed she had a point. Even if the knowledge of exorcists with demonic ancestry was a new and baffling one, and the fact that she had enough insight to come to her own conclusions about Rin himself was telling, in any other case she’d be right. Rin wasn’t just any part-human, part-demon, though. He was the offspring of Satan himself… If that weren’t any different, he wouldn’t have grown up with it hidden from him for years. He wouldn’t have been given the choice to be killed or kill himself before vowing to become an exorcist instead, he wouldn’t be getting urged so much to keep it under wraps by the few who did know.

His friends wouldn’t have gotten attacked by that demon earlier.

So, he couldn’t take her advice to the fullest, but it sat warmly in his heart nevertheless. It occurred to him that maybe, maybe, even if he couldn’t share the full truth with them, a half-truth wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it could help ease the struggle, lighten the weight of secrecy that’d begun to stack upon his shoulders.

He brightened then, shoulders straightening and a grin flashing across his face as he gave the girl a thumbs-up. “Y’know Polka-Brows, you’re actually a pretty nice person when you wanna be! I think you and Shiemi will be a good match after all.”

“P--polka brows?!” Izumo looked livid once again. “Don’t call me that! It’s Kamiki to you, got it?”

She huffed, looking the other direction with a soft blush flaring on her cheeks once more. “Besides. I already told you that’s not happening.”

“Huh?! What do you mean? No way, you just gave me this whole motivational speech to get me to be honest about my feelings! You---you hypothesis!”

“You...” She looked dumbfounded for a moment by his mix-up, eyes shifting between frustration and a glimmer of laughter that wouldn’t quite surface. “You aren’t allowed to use my own advice against me. That’s unfair. It wasn’t a motivational speech, either. I’m just tired of watching you dodge around them when it’s so obvious. It’s just annoying, got that?”

She paused for a moment, and it was obvious that she was thinking deeply on it, almost somewhere else. “I’ll… I’ll apologize to her for being… like that. But I’m not gonna let her know anything else yet, so you better be satisfied with that. Alright?”

Rin squinted, humming as he considered it. “Alright. If you’re sure that’s what you wanna do.” He’d already promised he wasn’t going to out her feelings, and he’d meant it. Even if she’d managed to push him, if she wouldn’t let him do the same then he would respect her wishes. “It’s not about whether I’m satisfied or not though, is it? It matters if you are.”

“How deep of you.” Izumo said, the appreciation and consideration in her eyes not going unnoticed despite her sarcastic tone.

“I’m practically a philosophizer!” Rin grinned goofily.

“Definitely still a hopeless idiot, though.”

Konekomaru knew something was wrong before they even heard the screams. He’d been sitting idly along with his two childhood friends and Okumura-sensei, still settled in the cozy space of the common area they’d done their work in earlier. A few books and pages of notes were still sprawled neatly on the table in front of him, but for now he’d opted to take a break from studying in favor of enjoying some tea. The steam billowed up and warmed his face, the mug sat comfortably between both his palms and sent its comfortable heat through his limbs. He breathed in the calming scent before taking a sip.

That’s when it hit him. The feeling of acid dripping against his skin, like he’d pressed his own face up against sun-cooked sheet metal. The cup fell from his hands and splashed across his lap as he instinctively reached up to grasp his pained cheek. The screams from the girl’s bath rang out in that same moment, and everyone around him sprang into action all at once.

“Konekomaru!”

“Shit. What was that?”

“Stay here!” Okumura-sensei’s voice came last, booming over the other two as he sprinted out of the room. Bon was already at his side, but at that point the pain had faded until something faint and throbbing, and the only sign it’d ever happened was his still-hammering heart and his tea-soaked lap.

“I’m alright.” He assured his friends, and he was besides the slight sting from his tea and the creeping anxiousness of knowing something had happened to his soulmate (and that his soulmate was here—he’d had a glimmer of hope already, but this left him without a doubt.)

Bon’s face softened with relief. Shima was giving him a devilish grin now.

“Don’t—” Konekomaru started with tired desperation at the same instant Shima blurted out.

“Koneko’s got a soulmate in class!”

He looked embarrassed, fiddling with his glasses and looking down to the floor with tinted cheeks and a small grin of his own. “I guess so.”

Shima seemed positively thrilled by this development, scooting closer to beaming with curiosity. “Well?? Do you know who it is yet?? Is it Izumo-chan? She’s totally my type—” Bon gave him a look at that, and Shima shrugged in response. “What? You two have a lot in common, y’know. All the things I like, for example----.”

Bon didn’t look any more amused by it than he had a moment before. “I’m joking, joking.” Shima raised his arms in defense. Bon just sighed at his antics.

“Actually...I think I might know.” Koneko answered, a small huff of laughter in his voice that didn’t match the worried scrunch of his face. “But...whatever just happened…”

Could a demon have gotten onto campus somehow? That was impossible, wasn’t it? They were supposed to be protected, they were supposed to be safe, but whatever just happened to his soulmate...could that have been deadly?

(A small, vicious part of his mind told him that maybe he was just meant to be alone. No family, no soulmate. But he knew that wasn’t quite right either. No matter who he lost, Konekomaru was never alone as long as he had the rest of Myo Dha. As long as he had Bon and Shima.)

“I’m sure Okumura-sensei will handle it.” Bon tried his best to reassure him, but his own expression is dripping with just as much anxious dread. “I get it though. I mean, we don’t even know whoever ours is yet, but when something that bad happens…”

Bon swallowed hard instead of finishing his thought, and that was perfectly alright. Konekomaru knew exactly what he was getting at. The fear of losing your soulmate... it was like losing a part of yourself. And knowing it was a classmate of theirs, someone they had all already grown familiar and friendly with… that was another thing altogether.

“Let’s go check on ‘em, then.” Shima suggested, gaining surprised looks from both his friends.

“Okumura-sensei said to stay here…” Konekomaru pointed out, though he was certainly tempted. He has to know… he has to know…

“And?” Shima gave him a look as if he couldn’t possibly comprehend why that mattered right now. “It’s your soulmate. Are you really gonna sit around and wait to find out what happened just ‘cause the teacher told you to?”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

It ended up not being a necessary endeavor. As they come to a decision and head off in the direction of the earlier commotion, they instead come across a shirtless Rin sliding oddly along the wall down the hallway.

“Uh. hey guys.” Rin turned bright red at the sight of them, shuffling and fidgeting with his hands behind his back. “What’s up?”

The three of them watch him with varying range of emotions, all equally confused by his appearance but with a glimmer of amusement in Shima’s eyes and Bon’s face almost as red as Rin’s own.

“We were just---is everything alright?” Bon mumbled, seemingly making a point to look everywhere except at Rin himself.

“Oh---oh, right. Yeah. Um… there was a demon? Paku got hurt, but Shiemi and my brother are taking care of it, she’s in the girl’s room right now while Yukio takes care of things. Sounds like she’s gonna be okay.”

The feeling that swelled up in Konekomaru’s heart then was indescribable. Relief and joy swirled side by side with worry and hurt. Paku was hurt… his soulmate was hurt… but she’d be okay and---Paku was his soulmate.

“Thank you, Okumura-kun.” He breathed out, then raised his wavering voice a little as a smile began to stretch across his face in juxtaposition. “Thank you!”

He ran then, faster than he may have ever run before, or at least on par with the day Shima had broken his leg.

Paku was his soulmate. The same Paku who he’d slowly gotten to know not just in cram school, but over shared notes and borrowed erasers during their regular classes, over idly chatting down the halls on their breaks. The same Paku with a smile so soft and sweet and warm, it felt like the sun in springtime, a gentle kiss of light through the puffy white clouds.

Paku was his soulmate, and she was hurt. She was going to be okay, and knowing that much and the faith he had in both his teacher and his newest classmate who had supposedly helped her was enough to keep him from panicking, but she had still been hurt.

Right now, the most important thing to Konekomaru was to be at her side.

They could figure out the rest later.

The pain woke Ryuuji up. It was like waking up with a stomach ache, if stomach aches could somehow be a million times worse than any of the one’s he’d ever gotten in his life. The pain throbbed from his center in a way he’d never experienced before in his life, and Ryuuji found himself gasping desperately for air and he didn’t know why. He lifted himself up out of bed, his shirt stuck to his skin with sweat and he stripped it off. The pain was already starting to subside, which meant it wasn’t his own. That was only a relief for one fleeting moment, though, before the cold sense of dread took its place. Heavy as lead.

He had to check on Renzou. That was first and foremost. Still slightly sleep-dazed, Ryuuji felt around for his light switch before flipping it on. Times like this, he found himself especially grateful to have the room to himself. He can only imagine what a disturbance he’d be right now if he didn’t.

He’d still have to disturb Konekomaru, but if Renzou was in danger...well, he was sure he’d already be awake and alert but it was worth it either way.

He stumbled out into the dorm hall, still in nothing but a pair of old sweats. His friend’s room was practically just across the hall, and it didn’t really matter this late at night, anyways. He knocked when he reached it out of habit, and the sound of scuffling came from the other side of the door before it cracked open and Renzou’s head popped out.

“You’re alright.” He breathed out, visibly relaxing at the sight of his not-quite-boyfriend. “You felt it too?”

“Mm.” Ryuuji confirmed with a nod. “Konekomaru still sleepin’?”

“Out like a light.” Shima answered with a proud smile and a thumbs up.

“Come to my room. We should talk about this.”

Shima nodded before sliding the rest of the way out the door, clicking it shut slowly and softly behind him. The two of them pad back across the hall and into Ryuuji’s room quietly, and Renzou makes himself comfortable on the bed as soon as they’re in.

“Maaan, on second thought. I’m reeeally tired. Can’t we just go to bed and talk about this in the morning?” He whined as he flopped back onto Ryuuji’s pillow, pulling the blankets up to his chest. Ryuuji internally cringed for a moment as he thought about how damp it must feel underneath him, but Renzou either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

“If you were just gonna say that, why’d you come?” Ryuuji rolled his eyes as he pulled the covers back. Renzou pouted, but sat back up nonetheless.

“Maybe I just wanted to cuddle.” He answered, sticking out his tongue. Then his expression fixed itself back into something a little more serious, the soft light of concern in his eyes. “Actually...about this other person that’s out there...I’m a little worried too.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think… well, after that last time… whatever the hell that was, I wasn’t sure whether they were really still out there or not.” It wasn’t as if there’d been nothing to feel since then, but with their exorcist training in full force especially now that they’d officially become exwires, it had grown impossible to keep track of what aches and stings and throbs came from either of them, and which could be from their mystery second soulmate.

Neither of them had been sure they’d managed to survive whatever it was that had happened their first day in the dorms. Now, they were finding out that wasn’t the end back then, but what about now? Whatever had happened to wake them both up was like nothing Ryuuji had ever felt before. Was it too late for real this time?

“We have to find them.” Ryuuji huffed as he sat down at the edge of his bed, running a hand through the hair that hung over his eyes without any styling to push it back. “Even if they’re… whatever it takes.”

Renzou scooted closer, until his chin rested of Ryuuji’s shoulder and his finger traced gentle patterns across his back. “How?” He asked softly, not critically. Just… lost.

“I don’t know.” Ryuuji admitted. “But I won’t give up until I know for sure that they’re safe.”

“Okay.” Though it was all Renzou said out loud, a million more things were held there. Okay, I trust you. I believe in you. I want this too. But… they might not be.

“Okay.” Ryuuji echoed, holding just as much, tilting his head so his cheek pressed into Renzou’s soft pink hair and letting their free hands tangle together. Slowly, they reclined into each other’s soft touches, until Ryuuji’s whole face was buried in Renzou’s hair on top of his pillow. Until his arms wrapped around him and their eyes began to drift shut.

Eventually, they fell asleep like that. Never letting go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go....the penultimate chapter. sorry this took so long! i was struggling really badly w my time and energy and overall ability to write over the last couple months, but i’m starting to feel good again!

When they were kids, Rin had always wanted to go to Mepphyland. He’d light up at the pictures of the towering rollercoaster and vibrantly colored balloons plastered around Southern True Cross in the summertime, begin  _ begging  _ Shiro to take them. He’d always turn him down though, say something like the ride maintenance was probably shoddy and dangerous. It wasn’t a good idea. Yukio never backed Rin, either. He said the park mascot was too creepy.

Back then, Rin had just assumed he was afraid of clowns or something. Now, as he batted a Mephisto-shaped balloon out of his face at the park entrance, he completely understood exactly where they’d both been coming from.

“Yo.” Shima called out from where he lazily lounged back against a disturbingly tall statue of Mephisto. (Just how many things did this guy have his face plastered onto?  _ Creepy _ .) Suguro nodded his own greeting as Rin approached, and Konekomaru gave a tiny wave from beside the two of them.

“Hey!” Rin returned enthusiastically, a hop in his step now as he hurried over to join the trio, his disturbance at their surroundings suddenly forgotten. “What’s up?”

“We were just talking about our first missions.” Konekomaru twisted to the side to answer as Rin hopped up onto the other end of the statue’s base.

“ _ Please _ tell me you got to do something interesting! These guys’s stories were so lame.” Shima whined, earning himself a look from Suguro.

“Like yours was any better.” He pointed out, then sighed. “It can’t be helped that we all get these sorts of things for now. We only just became exwires.”

“Speak for yourselves.” Rin cut back in with a smirk. “I got to beat a demon!  _ And _ make it my familiar.”

“---The hell? You serious?”

“Seriously serious.”

“Alright then, let’s see you summon it.”

“Huh? Well it uh---I left it at my dorm.” Rin scratched his cheek awkwardly. Even if he couldn’t summon him, Kuro was still totally his familiar. He felt connected to little cat-like demon, a bond made by shared grief and admiration for the same man and strengthening through their own time spent together. He didn’t really know how to explain all that to these guys, though.

“Uh-huh.” Suguro clearly wasn’t buying it. Rin couldn’t really blame him, he probably wouldn’t believe it either. Still, he bristled at being seen as a liar, and was about to push back when Shiemi’s soft voice called out over to the group.

“Sorry we’re late!” She came jogging up with Izumo close behind. “Kamiki-san was helping me out with my uniform…it looks a little weird on me, though...”

“Not at all, Moriyama-san! It’s really cute!” Shima chimes, giving the girl a thumbs-up. Surprisingly, the compliment comes off much more wholesome than flirty. (Even still, that doesn’t stop Izumo from giving him a sharp look.)

Several sounds of agreement rose from the rest of the group, and Shiemi kicked her feet with a sheepish smile. “Th--thank you…!”

“Alright, now that you’re all here, I’ll be splitting you up into pairs.” Yukio clapped once, gathering everyone’s attention. “First, Miwa and Yamada.”

His friends gave Koneko looks of sympathy as he looked awkwardly over towards their strangely silent, hooded classmate, who hardly seemed to be paying attention as he continued mashing buttons on the portable gaming system in front of him.

“Suguro and Shima.” Neither of the two give an outward reaction to being paired together, but both seemed to relax a little as they remained side by side. Rin felt a twinge of something he couldn’t quite recognize.

“Okumura and Moriyama.” Well, he didn’t have any complaints about that at least. Shiemi seemed happy with it too as she cheerfully took her place beside him. “And finally, Kamiki and Takara.”

“Hey.” Izumo called for Rin’s attention as she strolled up to him. “Switch partners with me.” There was a twinkle of determination in her eyes that said she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer.

“Uh…” Rin looked over to Yukio for permission, flashing an expression that he hoped would sway his brother's heart into agreement. “Is that alright?”

Yukio sighed defeatedly. “As long as you get the mission done without doing anything stupid, I don’t care who you work with.” He gave a pointed look towards Rin, who looked completely unbothered by the warning as he pumped his fist in response.

“Alright! Thanks, Yukio!” He grinned before turning back around to Izumo and leaning into whisper, “Good luck.”

Izumo only stared down at the thumbs-up he was giving her with before rolling her eyes and moving along to take her place beside Shiemi, whose face was filled with cheery, pink-cheeked delight at being paired with the other girl.

“Hey---wait! In that case, can’t me and Konekomaru work together instead?”

Yukio pinched the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses. “Please don’t make this any more complicated than it needs to be.”

Rin deflated a little, and Koneko gave him a reassuring pat on the back. “It’ll be alright. Maybe they’re not all that bad.”

Koneko must be an angel, Rin decided, whether he was only saying it to reassure Rin or he truly believed the two loner classmates might suddenly surprise them today.

Yukio cleared his throat then, ready to begin explaining their mission. “Recently, there have been witness and damage reports of a ghost around the park here… you’ve all been recruited to help find it.”

Yukio went on for a little while about ghosts, what they were and what to do if they found the one they were searching for here. Rin half-listened as he kept sneaking glances over at his two soulmates. Maybe he could sneak off and tag along with them instead… he doubted his own partner would protest it.

His mind circled back to his conversation with Izumo back during their training camp. He’d left it with a firm resolve to follow her advice and talk to the two of them… and he was going to, really! He just… hadn’t gotten the chance to yet. But if he could manage to trail off to meet them here, well…

“...Then, if there aren’t any other questions, you’re all dismissed!”

Rin felt his face breaking out into a grin once again. This might just be the perfect opportunity! All he had to do was wait for the perfect opportunity to slip away from Takara and find them without Yukio finding out. Easy-peasy. He was still nervous about how they’d react without a doubt, but hope fluttered brightly in his chest. He had a good feeling about today.

* * *

The weight of the world is collapsing onto Renzou’s shoulders. Caving in his lungs and tearing open his ribcage. If it hadn’t been for that day, maybe things would be different. He would’ve been able to go on living in denial. If he’d never broken his leg back then, maybe he wouldn’t feel such a heavy sickness settled permanently in the pit of his stomach.

He can’t say it doesn’t feel good in some other ways, though. Even if him and Bon had opted not to attach the  _ dating _ label to themselves while everything was still so confusing, they interacted with a new sort of closeness that felt warm and tender. Soft kisses and lingering touches had worked their way into their greetings, and Renzou had been delighted to realize he had a new way to stray their focus during study sessions.

All that only made it worse, though. He’d found himself in a situation that was much harder to say goodbye to than before. He wasn’t supposed to care so much, this was all wrong.

There was still a tiny sliver of hope for him, barely a speck, but it was something. Even when the day came that he’d inevitably end up shattering Bon’s heart, at least their other soulmate would be out there to come and sweep up the pieces, to delicately mold them back together. They may be a little self-destructive, if the patterns of their pain were anything to go by, but they weren’t Renzou.

Whoever they were, they were probably a lot better for Bon than he could possibly be.

(For some reason, he thought of Okumura then. Their classmate had slipped beneath Bon’s rough surface and cozily settled into their group with such effortlessness, it was easy to imagine him slipping into Renzou’s place at his side. _If only he could stay_ _there with them._ )

He looked over to his right, drinking in the sight of his soulmate as he scanned his eyes over the park surrounding him. There was a tight furrow in his brow and a pout to his lips that always came when he was way too concentrated on something.  _ Cute, _ Renzou thought with a stifled chuckle. He could kiss it away right now, feather-light pecks against the space between his eyebrows and down the bridge of his nose, then a little more passionate as he reached Bon’s own lips.

“Hey,” Renzou called, breaking the other boy’s focus. “Check it out.”

He pointed over to an empty booth ahead of them, an obnoxiously pink and flashy sign boasting over the balloon darts behind it. “Wanna play?”

“We’ve got a mission to get done, now isn’t the time for  _ games. _ ” Bon rolled his eyes. “Those things are all rigged, anyways.”

“But this is so  _ boring! _ We’re walking by all this fun stuff, and we don’t even get to enjoy any of it? That’s just unfair.” Renzou lamented, leaning to rest his chin against Bon’s shoulder. “Besides, I’m sure someone else has the whole ghost thing under control. What’s the harm in taking a little break?”

There was a beat of silence before Bon responded, as he very deliberately avoided looking into Renzou’s pleading gaze and stared down the booth with intensity. “.... _ One _ game.”

Renzou’s arms looped around him then, a smiling kiss pressed into his cheek. “You’re the best, Bon!”

“But when we get back to looking, you better be paying attention too. Quit starin’ at me instead.” His voice was an annoyed grumble, but his cheeks were tinted an ever-so-slight red.

“Ehehe...I wouldn’t expect you to be so shy now.” Renzou teased as he hopped the counter to collect the darts piled behind it. “After we’ve already  _ slept _ together and everything.”

The blush on Bon’s face grew a furious shade at that. “Don’t word it like that!”

“But it is technically true.” Renzou’s grin only grew wider. “ _ Little spoon. _ ”

“Shut it!” Bon yanked his share of the darts out of his outstretched hand as he snapped. Renzou made a very poor attempt to hide his laughter behind his hand, and he didn’t miss the crack of a smile breaking through Bon’s anger as he looked up at him from where he still perched upon the counter. “Are we doing this or not?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Renzou hopped down then. “If I pop more than you, I get to be the big spoon again next time.”

“We’re not placing be---” There was a resounding crash then, drowning out the rest of his sentence. It was immediately followed by a sharp pain rushing up their spines, paired with the sensation of getting the wind knocked out of them. Fear and realization flashed through both of their heads, and Renzou felt the weight on his shoulders collapse further, crushing his organs beneath the debris.

They both looked towards the smoking wreck of a roller coaster in the distance, and without another word Bon’s got his hand wrapped tight around his and they were taking off towards it. The same prayer running through them both.

_ Please be okay. Please be okay. _

* * *

Slipping away from Takara had been even easier than Rin could have imagined. The near-silent puppeteer didn’t even seem to intend on moving from the spot he’d already planted himself in at the front of the park, nevermind care what Rin did.

“Alright, so uhhh. I’ll just...look this way while you keep watch here?” He asked awkwardly, thumb jutting in the direction he thought he’d seen Suguro and Shima take off in earlier. “Cool! Great plan, sounds good.”

Whether he’d even get a response or not at all, Rin didn’t wait around to hear before hurrying off to begin his search. Between Suguro’s thoroughness and Shima’s tendency to slack off, they probably couldn’t have made it too far from here, could they?

Rin rounded a corner, then another, and another as he began to grow a little frustrated with no sign of them yet. “Why the hell is this place so big?!” He demanded from the empty air around him.

“Brother is so over the top sometimes, isn’t he?”

The sudden response of an unfamiliar voice coming from directly behind him startled Rin enough that he practically leapt into the air. He whipped his head around to find a strange-looking boy in the tackiest set of mismatched clothing Rin had ever seen. Before he could even respond or question him, the tacky stranger wordlessly reached out with one claw-nailed hand and plucked Rin’s sword right off his back.

“Hey! That’s---!” Rin scrambled to grab it back, but he had already leapt out of reach, perching himself on top of another gaudy Mephisto statue. “Who the hell are you?! Give that back!”

“Who…? Oh, right.” He spoke with such nonchalance, like he hadn’t just stolen what Rin was supposed to be guarding like his life depended on it (because, well, it really  _ did _ ) right out of his hands. “My name is Amaimon. I’m like your older brother… Or something.”

Rin’s head tilted as he processed what the other was saying.  _ Older brother…? So that meant… _

Confusion gave way to cold dread. His earlier optimism about the day had been wiped away in just a couple of words.

This was going to be bad, wasn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually split this chapter up from what i originally had planned so....see you soon! :)

**Author's Note:**

> any comments get all my love and affection <3


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